Return to Love

We are inherently loving beings. As psychoanalyst Ronald Fairbairn pointed out, as little ones, we need to love and have our love received, as well as to be loved. When we are not adequately received, or we feel unsafe to love, our loving nature can become stilted. Our hearts harden. We become driven by fear. We forget how well we know and can embody love.

Sitting with my clients and students, I am repeatedly reminded of the love that waits, often hidden under years of defensive layers. I see again and again that, like the sun coming out from behind the clouds, love can emerge. It is always there. We can return to a sense of wholeness, connectedness and acceptance even when we have met the most painful conditions in life.

My intention today is to support this emergence. Spring is coming. It is a natural time to orient to the return of the light, the sunshine we may have only been able to suspect was there all winter.

When you read these words, what are you aware of within you? What speaks to you of light, of love, of sunshine in this moment? How does your heart feel? Can you feel it? If you put a hand on your heart, what happens? Can you sense it beating under your hand? How hard or soft does it feel? How open or closed? Is there the possibility of deepening into love?

I find that simply listening in this way to my heart in challenging moments, it can begin to soften and return to its natural glow. I begin to remember love and acceptance, where I may have been straying away.

Another simple way to call up our love, is to ask ourselves, what is my heart’s desire? What do I really care about? What would I love to see in my life, in the world…? What is important to you? And when you consider what you truly care about, what do you sense in your heart?

So often, we have learned to not orient to our hearts. They have been hurt. Our love has been rejected, distorted, or responded to with abuse. We intelligently learned to hold it back in protection. Unfortunately, when we withdraw our love from others, we also tend to lose touch with it, ourselves.

How might it be if this moment were the first moment in the beginning of a more deeply loving life for you? What might change? How might you feel? How might you act? What would be your priority?

I am reminded of when people are told they have a short time left to live. Suddenly, the time they have becomes a sacred treasure. They let go of what does not resonate with their hearts, embracing what does. Sometimes, such people surprise their doctors by then presenting with “spontaneous remission,” and continuing to enjoy many more years of life.

Why do we wait for such extreme wake up calls before daring to consider what we most care about? What makes you truly happy? Are you willing to explore this now? Let your heart guide you in this process and lets see what we all create together!