Honouring Emilie Conrad

Today, April 14^th, 2019, marks five years since my dear mentor, Emilie Conrad, left her body. Emilie’s almost 50 years enquiry into our fluid nature through Continuum profoundly affected so many of us. Emilie was a somatic visionary. Although I arrived in her studio after over 20 years personal and somatic exploration with other approaches, I felt like every moment with Emilie offered novelty. My mouth dropped open repeatedly as I listened to her talk. My body did the equivalent observing her move.

Emilie was 70 when I met her. Her movement then, and almost until she passed away ten years later, was more fluid and easy than mine had ever been. Few 20-year olds these days move with the ease, grace, and power she did until she was almost 80.

I had resisted Continuum and Emilie for many years. When I began my training in Somatic Psychology (Dance/Movement Psychotherapy) at Naropa University in Boulder, CO in 1993, each of us in the class was to lead the group in any kind of movement form we had experienced. Someone in the class had taken a weekend workshop with Emilie and decided to take us through a Continuum “exercise.” I now know that there are no Continuum exercises. Continuum is an enquiry process, not fixed like an exercise routine. I knew nothing about Continuum at that point and don’t remember what we did but I remember that it gave me a headache and I hated it! I decided then that I would never do Continuum!

For years after that my many friends who were enthusiastic about Continuum would encourage me to try it. Why don’t you do Continuum?, they would ask. You’re already doing Continuum! You must do Continuum! You would love Continuum!I kept resisting.

Years later, I had moved to Santa Barbara, CA. Somehow I came across a copy of some of Emilie’s writing. I read her booklet, Life on Land, which preceded her book by the same name. I couldn’t put it down. It was as if it was speaking directly to me. Something began to stir in me. I began to feel that if I didn’t go to meet Emilie, I was going to die.

You have to understand that, when I moved to Southern California, I had promised myself I would never drive to Los Angeles! I was terrified of the freeways and would do anything to avoid driving on them. Emilie’s studio was in Santa Monica on the outskirts of LA, about a two-hour drive, at least partly on the freeway. Nothing could have gotten me to do this drive other than Emilie!

When I arrived trembling at her studio the first time, she immediately assessed me as needing to settle my nervous system! Continuum did its magic. By the end of class, I was melted beyond my pre-freeway experience. I had to drive home again after class, but nothing was the same for me after that first class.

That night I had a dream. I was giving birth and Emilie was my midwife. I knew then what I had suspected before even meeting her, that Emilie was my mentor.

I wasn’t looking for a mentor, but Emilie could have that effect. After that first class, Emilie was away in Europe. When her next class finally happened, I was there and had arranged a private session with her after class. She barely raised an eyebrow when I told her my dream. When I innocently told her how I felt like Continuum was like coming home, she replied in her brusk New York way, “Of course!” That was that! She proceeded to teach me what I needed in order to dissolve my inhibitions and flow more freely. As a Continuum teacher, I have since heard so many declare that Continuum felt like coming home.

I confess I fell deeply in love with Emilie, which was part of the mysterious healing of being in her presence. I was ready and able to let go of so much that I had clung to in the past. I found a new, freer, more fluid me emerging.

When Emilie declared I was ready to teach Continuum in 2007, it felt more significant to me than completing my PhD. I finally had Emilie’s blessings to pass on to others what seemed to me like an essential offering for our challenging times. I had never encountered anything that supported resilience, health, and creativity the way Continuum did.

I live still in constant gratitude to my dear mentor. Thank you, Emilie for enduring all you endured to bring yourself, your brilliance and this amazing fluid enquiry to our world. I still miss you but also still feel your presence. I feel so honoured that you trusted me to carry this beautiful, important work to others.

Note: The photo above of Emilie is one I took of her during a rehearsal of her Continuum performance troupe I was honoured to be part of.